Key Takeaways:
- Many families are experiencing a new stage of life where adult children are returning home due to financial constraints, mental health issues, or a desire for togetherness.
- The stigma of living with parents as an adult is fading, with 43% of 25-year-olds in the UK living with their parents.
- Supporting children for longer can have consequences for parents, including a decline in quality of life and delayed retirement plans.
- Setting ground rules, such as charging rent and dividing household chores, can help make "full nesting" successful.
- Parents should prioritize their own financial security in retirement and encourage independence in their children from an early age.
Introduction to the New Normal
The traditional notion of children leaving the nest and starting their independent lives is no longer the norm. Many families are experiencing a new stage of life where adult children are returning home due to financial constraints, mental health issues, or a desire for togetherness. This phenomenon, known as "full nesting," is becoming increasingly common, with 15% of 21- to 35-year-olds boomeranging back home at least once between 2009 and 2020. For many parents, keeping the door open is a natural response to the challenges faced by their children, but it can also have consequences for their own lives and retirement plans.
The Blurred Lines of Generational Boundaries
The boundaries between gen Z and their gen X parents are becoming increasingly blurred. With many adult children returning home, parents are having to navigate new relationships with their children, who are now adults themselves. This can be a challenging but also rewarding experience, as parents get to know their children in a new light. However, it can also be difficult to establish boundaries and maintain a sense of independence. As one parent noted, "You do feel that you’re not a proper adult" when living back with your parents as an adult.
The Economic Reality
The economic reality is that many young people cannot afford to leave home due to high rents, rising youth unemployment, and a lack of affordable housing options. This has led to a situation where 43% of 25-year-olds in the UK live with their parents, a statistic that is likely to continue to rise. Parents are having to adapt to this new reality, with some choosing to charge rent or set boundaries around household chores. However, this can be a difficult balancing act, as parents want to support their children but also need to prioritize their own financial security.
The Mental Health Factor
Mental health is also a significant factor in the decision for adult children to return home. The pandemic has had a profound impact on young people’s mental health, with many experiencing anxiety and depression. Returning home can provide a sense of safety and security, as well as a supportive environment. As one parent noted, "You know how we had lockdown, and everyone was around each other all the time? Well, we’re used to it. We’re used to being a unit in some ways; we really learned how to tolerate each other in quite intense circumstances."
The Importance of Ground Rules
Setting ground rules is essential for successful "full nesting." This can include charging rent, dividing household chores, and establishing boundaries around personal space. As one parent noted, "I think every parent who has got adult children who moved home will recognise that all of a sudden the adults become children again. You do make assumptions about ‘whoever normally does the cooking will just carry on and cook extra for me’." By setting clear expectations, parents can maintain a sense of independence and avoid falling into old patterns.
Prioritizing Financial Security
Financial planner Jane Gow advises parents not to jeopardize their own security in retirement when trying to help their children out. "I say: ‘You need to put your own oxygen mask on first,’" she notes. This means prioritizing pension contributions, downsizing, or renting out spare bedrooms to generate income. Parents should also encourage independence in their children from an early age, by getting them to do their fair share of chores and save small amounts of pocket money. By taking a proactive approach to financial planning, parents can ensure that they are secure in their retirement and able to support their children without compromising their own well-being.
Conclusion
The phenomenon of "full nesting" is a complex and multifaceted issue, driven by a range of factors including economic constraints, mental health issues, and a desire for togetherness. While it can be challenging for parents to navigate this new stage of life, it also presents opportunities for growth and connection. By setting clear boundaries, prioritizing financial security, and encouraging independence in their children, parents can create a positive and supportive environment for everyone involved. As one parent noted, "It’s not even childhood going on longer; it’s a different type of adulthood."