Key Takeaways
- Esther Perel argues that art can make personal relationship struggles feel universal, reducing the isolation that often drives people to therapy.
- Her collaboration with Olivia Wilde on the film The Invite infused the comedy with deep relational insights, moving therapy‑room conversations into the public sphere.
- Core Perel concepts featured in the movie include compersion, the tension between familiarity and desire, and the idea of “restarting” a relationship with the same partner.
- Perel advised the filmmakers to view sexuality as an experiential “place” rather than merely a physical act, emphasizing meaning, phenomenology, and poetics.
- The film’s resonance stems from its empathy and recognition that long‑term relationships continually negotiate stability versus novelty, security versus freedom.
- Perel sees growing cultural openness toward consensual non‑monogamy, noting that monogamy has historically evolved and relationships are living organisms that adapt over time.
Esther Perel, the renowned psychotherapist behind bestsellers such as Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, believes that art possesses a unique power that therapy often lacks: the ability to normalize private struggles and turn them into shared cultural conversations. Speaking from her New York office, Perel explained that when a story like The Invite—the raucous, talky comedy directed by Olivia Wilde—presents a couple’s marital strain, it shifts the narrative from “this is my problem and I’m alone” to “this happens to many of us.” That universalizing effect, she contends, can be more therapeutic than a one‑on‑one session because it invites audiences to see themselves reflected in the characters’ dilemmas.
The Invite stars Wilde and Seth Rogen as Angela and Joe, a long‑married couple whose simmering resentment erupts when their sexually adventurous neighbors, Piña (Penélope Cruz) and Hawk (Edward Norton), arrive for dinner. The film, an adaptation of the 2021 Spanish movie Sentimental, expands nationwide on July 10 after receiving glowing reviews and solid box‑office returns. Perel served as a consultant on the project at Wilde’s request; the actress had been a patient of Perel’s years earlier and credits the therapist with profoundly shaping her understanding of relationships.
Wilde praised Perel’s listening style as “a whole other level of observant,” noting that the therapist’s input helped the filmmakers translate complex relational ideas into scenes that feel authentic rather than preachy. Perel’s influence is evident throughout the movie: the notion of compersion—finding joy when a partner experiences pleasure with someone else—plays out in the neighbors’ open, noisy lovemaking, which both annoys Joe and envies Angela. The film also explores the tension between the familiarity of love and the mystery of desire, a classic Perel theme, and presents the possibility of “restarting” a relationship with the same person instead of breaking up—a concept she has long championed.
Beyond The Invite, Perel has lent her expertise to other screen projects. She advised two seasons of Showtime’s The Affair, consulted on the forthcoming drama Let Love In (and appears in it), and made a cameo in the 2017 film Newness, where she discussed why people have affairs while signing copies of Mating in Captivity. Perel’s goal in these collaborations is to take the intimate conversations that usually happen behind closed doors in a therapist’s office and bring them into the public square, turning clinical material into cultural ideas that can be digested by a wide audience.
Her approach to sexuality in The Invite was deliberate. She urged Wilde and the film’s writers—Rashida Jones and Will McCormack—to stop thinking of sexuality as merely a physical act and instead view it as a “place where people go.” According to Perel, what matters is not what people do with their genitals but the meaning, experience, phenomenology, and poetics they attach to those acts. This perspective shaped pivotal scenes, such as the moment Piña, modeled closely on Perel herself (complete with a blond wig), shifts from her “horny‑neighbor” persona to a therapist role. Piña asks Angela and Joe how they met, reflects on staying together for their daughter, and offers her take on their marriage without prescribing solutions—a scene that Wilde said was dramatically reshaped through their conversations with Perel.
The collaboration was intensive. Before filming began at Sunset Las Palmas Studios—the same stage that hosted the pilot for I Love Lucy—the cast and writers spent two weeks workshopping the script, regularly checking in with Perel via Zoom to gut‑check their instincts. Wilde noted that Perel’s experience with patients is invaluable because she knows what people say versus what they truly feel. This insight helped the film avoid clichés and capture the nuanced emotional undercurrents of long‑term partnership.
When asked whether the film’s portrayal of consensual non‑monogamy mirrors a rising cultural acceptance of extramarital activity, Wilde affirmed that topics like polyamory have moved from taboo to mainstream over the past decade. Perel, ever the historian of relationships, reminded listeners that monogamy itself has always evolved, and relationships are “breathing, living organisms” that constantly balance continuity and change, stability and novelty, security and freedom. It is this perpetual negotiation that makes enduring bonds both challenging and fascinating—and why stories like The Invite resonate across generations.
In sum, Perel’s work demonstrates how art can externalize the private work of therapy, making relational struggles visible, relatable, and ultimately, a shared cultural conversation that encourages empathy, self‑reflection, and a deeper understanding of the erotic self within lasting love.