Key Takeaways
- Death anxiety can be transformative and help individuals appreciate the present moment
- Talking about death can help prepare us for the reality that it can happen to anyone at any moment
- The dying process can be scary and uncomfortable, but having open and honest conversations can help
- Supporting someone who is dying involves understanding their emotional needs and not burdening them with questions or requests
- Thinking about death and dying can be done in a healthy way by making decisions around end-of-life care and having open discussions with loved ones
Introduction to Death Anxiety
About a year into his job as an interfaith chaplain at Tampa General Hospital in Tampa, Fla., J.S. Park began to have what he calls "really awful death anxiety." This experience was transformative for Park, and over time, his anxiety turned into an appreciation for the present moment. As a hospital chaplain, Park has learned that talking about death can help prepare us for the reality that it can happen to anyone at any moment. In his 10 years as a chaplain, Park has seen many patients and families struggle with the dying process, and he believes that having open and honest conversations can help.
The Dying Process
When visiting a loved one who is dying, it’s common to see and experience things that can be shocking and uncomfortable. One of the things that families are often surprised by is the sound of their loved one’s breathing, which can sound like gasping as the body tries to pull in as much oxygen as it can to keep living. Additionally, the body may fight against medical measures, which can be distressing for families to see. Park emphasizes the importance of talking about how resilient the body is and how it is pushing back against these measures. He also notes that families often feel guilty about continuing medical treatment, and it’s essential to listen to these concerns and consider what is best for the patient.
Conversations While Dying
Conversations while a person is dying can be difficult and emotional. Park notes that it’s rare to have a moment like those depicted in movies, where someone makes amends with a loved one before passing away. In reality, people who are dying are often kept alive by life support but are no longer conscious. Park advises families to say everything they want to say to their loved one, even if they may not be able to respond. He believes that the person may still be able to hear, and it’s essential to express love, gratitude, and forgiveness.
Supporting Someone Who is Dying
Supporting someone who is dying involves understanding their emotional needs and not burdening them with questions or requests. Park notes that everyone has a specific way in which they want to be emotionally tended to, and it’s essential to respect these boundaries. He suggests that instead of asking open-ended questions or offering vague support, it’s better to offer specific help, such as bringing dinner or running errands. By doing so, we can show our love and support without putting a burden on the person who is dying.
Thinking About Death and Dying
Thinking about death and dying can be done in a healthy way by making decisions around end-of-life care and having open discussions with loved ones. Park suggests that starting to make decisions around what death looks like can bring comfort and consolation. This can include writing a living will, discussing wishes for life support, and making arrangements for funeral services. By having these discussions sooner rather than later, we can afford ourselves and our loved ones dignity and autonomy in death. Park emphasizes the importance of having these conversations and making decisions around end-of-life care to ensure that our wishes are respected and our loved ones are supported during a difficult time.