Key Takeaways
- The author’s hanukiah, a symbol of Jewish tradition and celebration, has become a reminder of the desecration and tragedy that occurred in Bondi.
- The Bondi attack has transformed the joyous and lighthearted festival of Hanukah into a somber and mournful occasion.
- The author struggles to balance conflicting emotions and find ways to manage anger and fear in the face of increased antisemitism and violence.
- The attack has had a profound impact on the Jewish community, particularly young Jews, who are being pushed towards conservatism in the wake of continued assaults.
- The author is desperate to return to a sense of normality and joy, but feels traitorous to experience happiness in the face of tragedy.
Introduction to the Hanukiah
The author’s hanukiah is a unique and cherished possession, designed by a friend and crafted from aircrete. It is a symbol of Jewish tradition and celebration, and its presence in the author’s home is a badge of pride. However, in the wake of the Bondi attack, the hanukiah has taken on a new significance, reminding the author of the desecration and tragedy that occurred. The author notes that Hanukah, typically a joyous and lighthearted festival, has been transformed into a somber and mournful occasion, akin to Yom HaShoah, a day of mourning.
The Impact of the Bondi Attack
The Bondi attack has had a profound impact on the author and the Jewish community. The author notes that the attack has made it difficult to distinguish between the candles lit for Hanukah and those lit for Yahrzeit, in remembrance of the dead. The author’s daughters, who were born and first swam in Bondi, will now grow up with the knowledge of the tragedy that occurred in their hometown. The author struggles to come to terms with the fact that their most lighthearted religious ritual has been transformed into something akin to a day of mourning.
Seeking Help and Support
The author seeks help and support from a therapist provided by the state. The therapist helps the author to identify the many conflicting emotions that they are experiencing, including anger, fear, and sadness. The therapist suggests that the author’s "bucket" is close to overflowing, and that they need to find ways to manage their emotions and let some of the weight out. The author laughs for the first time in a week, indicating that the therapy is having a positive impact.
The Hazards of Being Jewish
The author notes that being Jewish has become increasingly hazardous, particularly in the face of increased antisemitism and violence. The author’s hanukiah, with its candy-colored candles and bright light, is a magnet for children, but it is also a reminder of the dangers that exist. The author notes that it is hard work keeping children’s hands away from the hanukiah, and that it could easily burn down the whole house if left unattended. This is a metaphor for the dangers that exist in the world, and the need for vigilance and caution.
The Poetic Alignment of Hanukah and Tragedy
The author notes that Hanukah has neatly lined up with the parameters of the tragedy, occurring just after the traditional Jewish mourning period of shiva. The author feels that this is a poetic alignment, and that the end of Hanukah may also mark the end of the news cycle and the intense focus of the wider population. However, the author is also aware that the tragedy will have a lasting impact, and that it will be difficult to return to a sense of normality and joy.
The Struggle to Find Closure
The author struggles to find closure, and to come to terms with the fact that the tragedy has occurred. The author notes that the eighth night of Hanukah has brought no closure, and that they remain torn between attending synagogue services and vigils, and being with their children. The author is desperate to let go of the grief and the fear, but feels traitorous to experience any semblance of joy. The author is clinging to the twilight zone of grieving, and is unsure of how to move forward.
The Power of Tradition and Memory
The author’s hanukiah is a symbol of tradition and memory, and the author’s eldest daughter has memorized the Hebrew song that accompanies its lighting. The author notes that the hanukiah could have easily been upcycled from the walls of the ancient temple won back by the Maccabees. The author’s daughter pulls out her pink baby guitar and sings the song softly to herself, reminding the author of the power of tradition and memory to bring comfort and joy in times of tragedy.